Confessions of a Reformed Control Freak: How I Learned to Let Go

This is the story I wish someone had told me when I was drowning in my own need to control everything.

The Moment I Realized I Was the Problem

Picture this: Your team has been asking for more responsibility and ownership. They're smart, capable people who want to grow. So you finally decide to give them what they've been asking for.

I assigned a project to one of my team members: documenting the handoff process from our team to sales. Simple enough, right? She was excited. I was proud of myself for "delegating."

Then I proceeded to micromanage every single step.

I found myself rewriting her process guide, restructuring her approach, and basically redoing the entire thing. In the time I spent "fixing" her work, I could have completed three other strategic projects. But worse than the wasted time? I had just done the exact opposite of what I intended.

Instead of giving her responsibility and ownership, I robbed both of us. She lost confidence. I lost the opportunity to get truly fresh eyes on a process I'd been doing the same way for months.

That's when it hit me: I wasn't helping. I was the bottleneck.

The Fear That Kept Me Up at Night

You know what terrified me most about letting go? It wasn't that things might go wrong. It was that everyone would see things go wrong.

What if the project failed? What if it was obvious to everyone how much I had failed as a leader?

In a small company of 30 people with my team of 5, there's nowhere to hide. Every mistake feels magnified. Every failure feels personal.

But here's what I didn't realize: My fear of visible failure was guaranteeing invisible failure.

My team was burning out. I was burning out. And we were missing opportunities because everything had to go through me.

When My Body Made the Decision for Me

The wake-up call came in the form of physical stress and illness. Severe burnout that I couldn't ignore or push through. My body was basically saying, "We're done with this martyrdom thing."

I had fallen into the classic trap of wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. "Look how hard I'm working! Look how much I care!"

But martyrdom isn't leadership. It's just really expensive self-sabotage.

What Starting My Own Business Taught Me

When I started 32 Parallels, letting go became both easier and harder.

Easier because there were blatant gaps in my knowledge that took time to learn. Some things would take me 10 times longer than trusting someone whose focus is exactly that.

Harder because the fear of failure felt more personal. This was my name on the door. My family's name. The stakes felt higher than ever.

But here's what I've learned: That same fear that makes you want to control everything is exactly what will prevent your business from growing beyond you.

Where I Am Now (Spoiler: Still Working on It)

Am I a fully reformed control freak? Not entirely. I still catch myself wanting to jump in and "fix" things. The difference is that now I recognize it.

I've learned to pause and ask myself: "Is this about maintaining quality, or is this about my need to feel needed?"

Most of the time, it's the latter.

If I could go back and tell my control-freak self one thing, it would be this:

Your team doesn't need you to be perfect. They need you to trust them enough to be imperfect.

If You're Reading This and Thinking "That's Me" First, you're not alone. Every successful leader I know has wrestled with this.

Second, start small. Pick one thing, one process, one decision, one responsibility, and truly hand it off. Not delegate while hovering. Actually let go.

Third, resist the urge to fix it for at least two weeks. Give your team member the chance to figure it out, make mistakes, and improve.

And finally, remember why you started your business in the first place. It probably wasn't to become the world's most expensive micromanager.

The irony of being a control freak in business? The tighter you hold on, the more everything slips through your fingers. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do as a leader is let go.

What's one thing you could let go of this week? Your team and your sanity might thank you for it.